Why not to drink as a teenager

[Danger 0]

Essay about why drinkin' is probably not the smartest thing to do when you're a teen:

Beer...It's What's for dinner

By Dusty Stengel

Looking back on the short period of time I've been on this earth, I realize that it hasn't all just been a smooth, squeeky-clean ride. I've learned allot in the period of time that has elapsed between the moment of my birth and the "L" at the beginning of this paragraph. One of these lessons, and hopefully not the only lesson, that I've learned is one that will stick with me throughout my entire life. It isn't one of philosophical importance or emotional revolation. It is one of real world knowledge that was learned through the most effective way available to a young, sponge-like mind, real-world experience. This essay is about the lessons I learned, the hard way I might add, pertaining to alcohol.

"Drunk, deprived of sleep, and reeking of barbecue". This is how we were

described to Joe's mom by the police officer two years ago on that suprisingly cold

August night. A night that would permanently burn an image of unnecessary terror on the faces of the residence of a quite Fairdale neighborhood into my brain.

It was around 9:00 P.M. on a Saturday night. I believe the date was August the twenty-fifth. But that isn't important. It was the first time in seven years that I had seen my long lost friend Kyle.

"Hey fag", I heard coming from the corner of the Bulldog Cafe pool room.

"How's it goin', buddy", I replied to the face that I immediately recognized.

He proceeded to inquire me about the past few years and I did the same to him. We talked for about an hour and decided that he, my friend Joey that I was with, myself should all continue our drinking out by a fire that we had been planning on starting on Joey's property. We made it through a few fields, a couple yards, and one big patch of forest before finally reaching Joey's house.

The fire was lit, the booze was cold, and the night was dark. Not just dark but the kind of endless black that made the fire stand out like the sun if you put it into a shut closet. A couple of hours went by and the booze pool dried up. What now? Do we call it a night? Hit the hay? No. Absolutely not. We weren't quitters. Not in any sense of the word. We were [in our own minds] driven, ambitious, semi-genius, drunk teenage kids. We couldn't let this absence of liquid stupid put a damper on our spirits nor our celebration of rekindled friendship.

It probably took us a total of .0008 seconds to decide what we needed to do. We were going to go "Ribbon Robbin'". Incase you don't already know what this is, and I'm sure you haven't a clue, it is a late-night pastime of ours that we had perfected. You go about "Ribbon Robbin'" by sneaking around and collecting bumper stickers. You keep collecting them until you have more than you can carry and then, at the end of collecting, you throw them all over a car that belonged to someone who we thought was a terrible individual and deserved the hassle of pulling them off of his/her car. This was, in a twisted/drunken way, our little form of vigilantism. Atleast that's how we saw it and seeing as how we were so quiet and stealthy [complete sarcasm] we decided to advance into a nearby neighborhood and hand out a slice of inebriated justice.

I can't even remember the name of the street we turned onto but it was the one. It had it all: houses with no lights on, rear bumpers facing the street, an unfathomable number of "Proud Parent of an Honor Student" magnets, you name it. Yeah, there was noway we were getting caught tonight. We were just too good.

The first house we came along was just begging for it. The rear bumper of the truck was right up on the street and it was covered in left-wing liberal humor based bumper stickers. SHWOOP. Off came the "Hillary Clinton '08" magnet. Just as I was getting ready to take the P.E.T.A. magnet I saw something. Something that for one reason or another grabbed my mind and beckoned me like some sort of intoxicated redneck magnet. It was a bright red porch swing sitting on the front deck. I motioned to Joey to follow me and take it off the porch. He complied.

Now, before I go any further, I need to somewhat make you familiar with my friend Joey. He was, at the time, a little over five feet tall. He weighed on the lesser side of 100 pounds and also had a broken leg from a skate boarding accident. This limited his bipedal movement to an agonizingly slow zombie-like lurch that wasn't conducive to stealth or agility. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, back to the story.

We made it onto the porch and, giggling like little school girls, managed to

unhook the chains from the porch and drag the swing to the roadside. It was there that Joey felt he needed to inform me that he had to "drain the main vein" before he "went insane". He thought it was clever so I let him have his moment. He asked if I wanted to leave the swing with him while he relieved himself and seeing as how I was in now mood to carry this swing that weighed approximately 100 pounds down the street I accepted the offer and caught up with Kyle who was, by this time, almost to the other end of the street.

As time passed I began to realize that Joey had been relieving himself for about 15 minutes. I commented to Kyle that maybe we should take Joey to the doctor to have his bladder checked out and we shared a laugh. It was about this time that I heard a quick whoop from a patrol cars bullhorn. Ever oblivious to the fact that the officer was attempting to get my attention I very casually gave him a little wave that signaled him to pass. I did not take into account that we were standing at a dead end or that he was quite obviously pursuing me. When I realized what was happening I quickly gave myself up. I never was one to defy authority or evade the law in any way so I politely complied with the officer as Kyle gave a considerable amount of resistance before being subdued by the officers knee to the back of his head. Finally, another officer pulled up with Joey in the back of his car. He had, apparently, pulled up next to Joey, who was peeing on a bush, and flashed his lights. This caused Joey to, with his pants still around his knees, attempt

to jump the bush, swing in hand. This attempt was an utter failure and the officer

retrieved Joey from the bush and sat him in the back seat of his squad car which,

strangely enough, was blaring a CCR tune that I can't quite remember. I later found out that the cop the had picked Joey up was the person who owned the house that the swing came from. He was getting home from work, listening to CCR, when he saw us. He waited for us to finish getting the swing a then he made his move. Joey was just too easy a target and got caught first. He called for another car for us and that's how we got caught.

After being taken home to my parents I immediately went to bed. I was punished for what I had done with a month of grounding. The first day of which was filled with physical labor in the hot August sun.

As idiotic and juvenile as this whole incident was, I took from it something that every teenager learns at one time or another. I learned that sometimes alcohol is going to be present and sometimes you're going to drink that alcohol. When you do so you allow yourself to not only risk the repercussions involved with being caught but you also allow yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do. Things such as stealing a swing or taking bumper stickers, for instance. Not only this but sometimes it takes being caught and punished to truly be able to acknowledge and understand why not to do such things. You can apply this idea to any situation. The bottom line is that you have to make mistakes in

order to learn anything and grow as an individual.

Alcohol has influenced kings and world leaders. It has also helped create some of the most innovative and inspiring pieces of art and literature. But seeing as how I am not a poet or revered political leader I probably should have seen that one coming from a mile away and maybe next time I'll say no thanks when my buddies ask me to twist off a couple tops on a Saturday night.

[Danger 0]

This is nothing that I would do now. It was two years ago so don't think i'm some crazy vandel. lol. I feel terrible about it now. I'm the type of person who usually frowns on this kind of behavior.

[hacker 0]

[glow=red,2,300][shadow=red,left]DISTINGUISHED.[/shadow][/glow]

[Southern112 0]

[glow=red,2,300][shadow=red,left]DISTINGUISHED.[/shadow][/glow]

lol

[Danger 0]

lol

Yeah. My English teacher knows me pretty well. At the end there he drew an arrow that said "No you won't".  :mrgreen:

[hacker 0]

Yeah. My English teacher knows me pretty well. At the end there he drew an arrow that said "No you won't".  :mrgreen:

he's right though, judging from some of the stories you've told me.

[stand-up 0]

Pretty good essay Danger, nice narrative.

I'm sure you almost learned your lesson.  One day in the future you may find your self in a similar situation and I hope you take few minutes to consider the risk to reward benefit.  A few extra minutes of hesitation and reflection will help you make a much wiser decision.

Stay focused on the big picture and Gook Luck this season.

[Southern112 0]

he's right though, judging from some of the stories you've told me.

I would. shoot.. free beer.